"Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom" - Review

In the annals of unnecessary sequels are there any that are more unnecessary than the Jurassic Park sequels? Don’t misunderstand, they’re very necessary for Universal’s bottom line, but from a narrative perspective is there any reason to revisit events, images, and even random side characters from Steven Spielberg’s classic film? The position taken by Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (the fifth film in the franchise) is a very resounding “no.”
 
Three years after the events of Jurassic World, a volcano is threatening to wipe out Isla Nubar and all the cloned dinosaurs inhabiting it. This extinction event has led to congressional hearings and a cameo from Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum). Former operations manager for Jurassic World Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) is running a PETA-esque organization to lobby congress to save the dinosaurs, when a lawyer played by Rafe Spall comes to her with a plan to relocate the dinosaurs off Isla Nubar to a sanctuary where they can live in peace. So, Clare goes and gets former raptor trainer Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) and two assistants played by Justice Smith and Daniella Pineda to help her. But can the lawyer be trusted? And what’s the deal with the shady paramilitary group led by Ted Levine? The answer of course is bad news.
 
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is probably the blandest corporate product put into the marketplace. It has no original story to tell or themes to explore. Colin Trevorrow and Derek Connolly’s script is simply a set piece generator as characters bark exposition at each other and run hither and thither from various dinosaur threats. Which makes the whole thing feel like a really annoying video game. Director J.A. Bayona doesn’t give the set pieces much punch, either. Spielberg’s ability to wring tension and suspense is sorely missed. However, there is a pretty incredible shot of the island burning from the volcano that closes the first act that would be an all-timer if only the movie around it lived up to the promise it holds.
 
All the volcano set-up really accomplishes is to show us sequences we’ve seen from the original Jurassic Park, now with added lava. If I have to see another T-Rex triumphantly roar to the heavens after saving the humans from some threat, my will head will explode. And how many times do we need to see a character stop what they’re doing and stare in awe at a dinosaur crossing? It’s the best moment in the original and all of these sequels have copied it without understanding what made the scene work in the first place.
 
Also, I know there has to be a certain level of “movie logic” applied to the dinosaurs in these things, but at least in the original Spielberg went out of his way to show these creatures acting and behaving as if they were animals and not plot devices. Here they either act like superheroes or slasher villains depending on what the story calls for. The performances are all fine, but no one is called on to do anything more than to look scared and yell exposition.  
 
Now, look, I’m not made of stone. I saw the original Jurassic Park when I was eight, and like many members of my generation it blew my mind. There is an inherent visceral and cinematic pleasure in watching dinosaurs run amok and chomp down on defenseless humans. I just need more meat with my potatoes. If there was a compelling emotional story or an interesting idea or theme to hang onto, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom would be great. But as it stands, it just another soulless corporate product. All that being said, I’m clearly the outlier here as the audience I saw it with clapped and cheered through the entire movie. So, what do I know?
 
One and a half out of four stars.